Blimey!
This seems to be my exclamation of choice at the moment, but it seems to sum up the way I'm feeling.
My good lady and I have finally pitched up in Melbourne. A damn fine city that never seems to stop eating. I have, quite honestly, never seen so many restaurants, cafes, bistros, take-aways, coffee shops, chip shops, sushi bars, curry houses, food courts and all other manner of food & beverage outlet, in my entire life. What's more, they're always full. Why Australians aren't the size of Americans, I'll never know.
This is a very short post. Just to because it's late and I've only just thought of doing this again. So watch this space for the next ramblings...
Monday 7 March 2011
Monday 14 December 2009
Limericks of the day
A salient bit of advice
Is to take inspiration from mice
Don't mess with cats
If you look at the stats
It's something you'll never do twice
Is to take inspiration from mice
Don't mess with cats
If you look at the stats
It's something you'll never do twice
Wednesday 11 November 2009
The Glass Box
Shh, can you hear it?...
...there it is, listen...
...it's the sound of thousands and thousands of silent bloggers, myself included, sounding off to the world in general and no-one at all.
In my mind's eye I see myself flying over crowds of people from all over the world, all looking up, shouting, talking, singing, waving their arms about, drawing, painting, pleading, complaining, laughing, crying listen to meeeee. All completely silent.
Why?
Why do it, I mean?
15 minutes of fame? Something that needs to be said? Catharsis? A search for the missing 'community'? Loneliness? All of the above? None of the above?
This is 'Speaker's Corner' for the 21st Century. All of us the best Marcel Marceau ever to perform on the radio.
One day someone will find this frequency so that I can break out of this glass box.
Thank you for listening.
...there it is, listen...
...it's the sound of thousands and thousands of silent bloggers, myself included, sounding off to the world in general and no-one at all.
In my mind's eye I see myself flying over crowds of people from all over the world, all looking up, shouting, talking, singing, waving their arms about, drawing, painting, pleading, complaining, laughing, crying listen to meeeee. All completely silent.
Why?
Why do it, I mean?
15 minutes of fame? Something that needs to be said? Catharsis? A search for the missing 'community'? Loneliness? All of the above? None of the above?
This is 'Speaker's Corner' for the 21st Century. All of us the best Marcel Marceau ever to perform on the radio.
One day someone will find this frequency so that I can break out of this glass box.
Thank you for listening.
Tuesday 10 November 2009
Limericks of the day
It wasn't like this in my day
Said the man as he gazed in dismay
At the bile from the press
He just knew a lot less
And found bliss in his ignorant way
On the whole, Man remains just the same
The barbarous still kill and maim
They do it for greed
They do it for creed
And indeed this will drive them insane
Just as sheep we are urged by a goat
To follow and offer our throat
For the will of the masses
Dons rose tinted glasses
And grumbles but won't rock the boat
A silly old blogger from Wales
Tried to understand mankind's travails
Tried to make it all rhyme
For he had too much time
What a stupid twat!
Said the man as he gazed in dismay
At the bile from the press
He just knew a lot less
And found bliss in his ignorant way
On the whole, Man remains just the same
The barbarous still kill and maim
They do it for greed
They do it for creed
And indeed this will drive them insane
Just as sheep we are urged by a goat
To follow and offer our throat
For the will of the masses
Dons rose tinted glasses
And grumbles but won't rock the boat
A silly old blogger from Wales
Tried to understand mankind's travails
Tried to make it all rhyme
For he had too much time
What a stupid twat!
Monday 2 November 2009
In the beginning... ...What?
It is said that Douglas Adams came up with the opening line:
"High on a rocky promontory sat an Electric Monk on a bored horse."
And then didn't write the rest of 'Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency' for several years. The sentence just sat there in his notebook like a grain of sand in an oyster.
This legend has always fascinated me so I thought I'd write some opening gambits for possible future use. I don't mind if anyone wants to use them as long as I get a credit somewhere in the book. They may not be just one line and it's something that I'm going to be doing when the muse takes me. Who knows, I may even get mused up so much that I'll take it further myself and produce a best seller.
...and then I woke up!
Here goes then...
Detective Inspector John Collier hadn't been to many murder scenes before. His rural beat mostly served up a staple diet of theft and RTAs. He wasn't even sure if this was a murder scene. SOCOs had been there quite some time before he had been summoned and with what they'd discovered so far, who ever was the victim of this... this... incident, wouldn't be sat with their feet up enjoying a tin of Fosters and the final of 'Strictly Come Dancing', this evening.
There was so much blood. Dark, congealed and everywhere. All over the clothes, the floor and the walls of the small, lockup garage. Strangeness and the macabre had collided, however, when it came to the 'victim's' identifying features. That's all that there was. Arrayed in and around the clothes as if the rest of the body had just dissolved were a full set of recently and roughly extracted teeth, the tips of the fingers of each hand and a sizeable chunk of flesh, the skin on which bore a distinctive scar. This had been discovered when the otherwise empty shirt had been delicately pulled back from a suspiciously soggy lump and had been the cause of much whistling and cursing.
DI Collier's mind was a crowded room of eager thoughts, jostling for attention. Why me? Why not me? Where's the rest of him? Am I up to this? Is this murder? Is this a crime, even? God, I hope Lynda hasn't done that bacon joint for dinner.
The room was cleared suddenly by Sergeant Hepworth's dream come true. He'd always wanted to say this, ever since he'd opened his first Colin Dexter, "I think you should see this, Sir..."...
There it is, then. What now?
"High on a rocky promontory sat an Electric Monk on a bored horse."
And then didn't write the rest of 'Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency' for several years. The sentence just sat there in his notebook like a grain of sand in an oyster.
This legend has always fascinated me so I thought I'd write some opening gambits for possible future use. I don't mind if anyone wants to use them as long as I get a credit somewhere in the book. They may not be just one line and it's something that I'm going to be doing when the muse takes me. Who knows, I may even get mused up so much that I'll take it further myself and produce a best seller.
...and then I woke up!
Here goes then...
Detective Inspector John Collier hadn't been to many murder scenes before. His rural beat mostly served up a staple diet of theft and RTAs. He wasn't even sure if this was a murder scene. SOCOs had been there quite some time before he had been summoned and with what they'd discovered so far, who ever was the victim of this... this... incident, wouldn't be sat with their feet up enjoying a tin of Fosters and the final of 'Strictly Come Dancing', this evening.
There was so much blood. Dark, congealed and everywhere. All over the clothes, the floor and the walls of the small, lockup garage. Strangeness and the macabre had collided, however, when it came to the 'victim's' identifying features. That's all that there was. Arrayed in and around the clothes as if the rest of the body had just dissolved were a full set of recently and roughly extracted teeth, the tips of the fingers of each hand and a sizeable chunk of flesh, the skin on which bore a distinctive scar. This had been discovered when the otherwise empty shirt had been delicately pulled back from a suspiciously soggy lump and had been the cause of much whistling and cursing.
DI Collier's mind was a crowded room of eager thoughts, jostling for attention. Why me? Why not me? Where's the rest of him? Am I up to this? Is this murder? Is this a crime, even? God, I hope Lynda hasn't done that bacon joint for dinner.
The room was cleared suddenly by Sergeant Hepworth's dream come true. He'd always wanted to say this, ever since he'd opened his first Colin Dexter, "I think you should see this, Sir..."...
There it is, then. What now?
Thursday 29 October 2009
On Exercising
My other readerless blog chronicles the trials and tribulations of my efforts to become fitter and leaner. During the course of the last 6 weeks I've been encouraged to do all manner of exercises that target specific areas of my aging flabby body. I'd like to highlight some of those exercises in more detail here.
The Plank
Getting this nailed down correctly can often go against the grain but don't go overboard if you're feeling all at sea about how to approach this. If you're only capable of 2 short planks you could try adding a triple Selco or possibly a long wait, sometimes known as a Travis Perkins. Try not to gloss over any rough edges and with application your plank should be polished.
Crunches and Dips
In my time I've done many of these so I feel I can hand them to you on a plate. Whilst dips should be smooth and deep, crunches should be crisp and bite hard. I've always found them good to start with but don't bite off more than you can chew, and don't make them jerky.
Curls
I often feel I need to brush up on these to get them straightened out. Looking at my picture you'll probably agree that I need more. When I was younger I thought I could cut them out completely but now that I'm older I find I have to stick them back in again. It may sound like splitting hairs but it's a price I've had to pay.
Squats
Even if you can't abide them, there should always be a home for squats in your plan. Power may be a problem when it comes to squats. You can live without power but don't compromise on style. Try to get the style right and you'll be in the right neighbourhood. If you can get style and power then you'll be on the right road and feeling right at home with this most economical exercise. Break in some squats as soon as you can.
The Plank
Getting this nailed down correctly can often go against the grain but don't go overboard if you're feeling all at sea about how to approach this. If you're only capable of 2 short planks you could try adding a triple Selco or possibly a long wait, sometimes known as a Travis Perkins. Try not to gloss over any rough edges and with application your plank should be polished.
Crunches and Dips
In my time I've done many of these so I feel I can hand them to you on a plate. Whilst dips should be smooth and deep, crunches should be crisp and bite hard. I've always found them good to start with but don't bite off more than you can chew, and don't make them jerky.
Curls
I often feel I need to brush up on these to get them straightened out. Looking at my picture you'll probably agree that I need more. When I was younger I thought I could cut them out completely but now that I'm older I find I have to stick them back in again. It may sound like splitting hairs but it's a price I've had to pay.
Squats
Even if you can't abide them, there should always be a home for squats in your plan. Power may be a problem when it comes to squats. You can live without power but don't compromise on style. Try to get the style right and you'll be in the right neighbourhood. If you can get style and power then you'll be on the right road and feeling right at home with this most economical exercise. Break in some squats as soon as you can.
Wednesday 28 October 2009
Limericks of the day
On a train that was destined for Crewe
I decided I needed a poo
I charged down the aisle
But the aisle had some guile
And side-stepped me passed Waterloo
In the midst of an important meeting
I had the desire, rather fleeting
To dance the fandango
With the girl from the quango
Just to stop her monotonous bleating
Descending with no parachute
I concluded was really a hoot
So I jumped from the plane
Then I did it again
Did I mention that I was a Coot?
When rhyming one word with another
I feel it is best to discover
The meaning of each
It's like freedom of speech
A gift from the tongue of your Mother
I decided I needed a poo
I charged down the aisle
But the aisle had some guile
And side-stepped me passed Waterloo
In the midst of an important meeting
I had the desire, rather fleeting
To dance the fandango
With the girl from the quango
Just to stop her monotonous bleating
Descending with no parachute
I concluded was really a hoot
So I jumped from the plane
Then I did it again
Did I mention that I was a Coot?
When rhyming one word with another
I feel it is best to discover
The meaning of each
It's like freedom of speech
A gift from the tongue of your Mother
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